DISCRIMINATORY LAND MINES UPSETS GAYS
After ten years of research into the science of pheromones, the scent that all land animals and insects secrete enabling them to find a mate, navigate in the dark or travel over long distances with incredible accuracy, Scent Science Corporation of Oak Ride Tennessee has finally isolated the long elusive "Gay Scent". The research was originally undertaken to market to manufacturers of gay perfume, a 100 million dollar a year industry, but when negotiations with potential buyers such as Estee Lauder and L'Oreal fell through over the asking price for the science, SSC turned it's attention to the world's militaries with the hope that some use could be found to recoup a decade of research and development costs. Now apparently they have finally found a buyer.
The People's Liberation Army of China.
Their apparent motive? "Saving Face". As explained to the magazine 'Science and Technology Today', Professor Wayne Snowden, head of the Asian Studies Department at Duke University and author of seventeen books was quoted in a recent interview, "'Saving Face' is deeply engrained in Asian culture but no more so than in the Chinese military. Being forced to fight an opponent that resorts to slapping and hair pulling is an insult to their masculinity. It is therefore no surprise that the Chinese are exploring ways to try to blow-up homosexuals before any battle occurs".
PLA land warfare systems Commissioner Scott Lee, explained the testing and development of the new "Gay Land Mine" to Retired Lt. Colonel Mindy Stokes, formerly the highest ranking out-lesbian in the U.S. military and columnist for the New York Times. "War is for MEN! Not for women who wish they were men, or for men who wish they were women. It is our hope that in future conflicts that we can blow-up all possible homosexuals before we engage in battle with the remaining worthy opponents".
Lee explained how the system works. "This mine, unlike previous mines, does not explode from the pressure of a soldier stepping on it, instead it has a built-in "Gay-Scent Sensor" and if it detects your gayness, it detonates. We have dropped the misidentification rate down to only one percent, so we think that those who were known not to be gay and were blown-up anyway were possibly thinking of becoming gay, thus secreting the "gay-scent" and setting off the explosive.
Stokes pressed Lee on field-testing and Lee was more than happy to explain how the "Gay Land Mine" was perfected. Said Lee, "The 'People's Fag Lesbian Army Group', or PFLAG, is a group of test subjects that were pulled from the ranks of the PLA after their gayness became known. PFLAG soldiers were mixed with condemned criminals and they were forced to walk slowly across "Gay Mine Fields" half a kilometer deep. We actually bet money on who would blow-up. A lot of money changed hands!" said Lee with a chuckle. "In the end it appears that we have perfected the device".
But now there are a number of groups who are condemning the Chinese not because the mine is inhumane, like the dumb dumb bullets of WW1, but rather because the mine discriminates against gay soldiers. Nichole Rihanek spokeswoman for the Pentagon's Office of Sexual Orientation released a short statement. "War should be an equal opportunity affair. All soldiers, straight and gay should have the right to get blown up together. The Chinese are not waging war fairly with their new anti-gay mine".
Morris Dees of the Southern Poverty Law Center has now tried to use his influence against the ICBL, the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, a group that has been working for the last twenty years to demine the estimated ten million land mines buried worldwide. Said Dees, "All other mines should be secondary now, because these Chinese mines hate."
There are others in the American Military however that think differently. One Iraqi veteran who spoke on condition of anonymity said, "I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that all of the straight guys in my my former company at Camp Pendleton would LOVE to see these things buried ANYWHERE we go into combat. Now if they would just create an "Anti-Nigger Mine" things would be headed completely in the right direction.
It is believed that 100,000 AGM's have now been placed on China's Southern border to keep the Thai "Ladyboys" out.http://www.milweb.news/anti_gay_mine.html