Swaz's Blogs

DISCRIMINATORY LAND MINES UPSETS GAYS

After ten years of research into the science of pheromones, the scent that all land animals and insects secrete enabling them to find a mate, navigate in the dark or travel over long distances with incredible accuracy, Scent Science Corporation of Oak Ride Tennessee has finally isolated the long elusive "Gay Scent". The research was originally undertaken to market to manufacturers of gay perfume, a 100 million dollar a year industry, but when negotiations with potential buyers such as Estee Lauder and L'Oreal fell through over the asking price for the science, SSC turned it's attention to the world's militaries with the hope that some use could be found to recoup a decade of research and development costs. Now apparently they have finally found a buyer.

The People's Liberation Army of China.

Their apparent motive? "Saving Face". As explained to the magazine 'Science and Technology Today', Professor Wayne Snowden, head of the Asian Studies Department at Duke University and author of seventeen books was quoted in a recent interview, "'Saving Face' is deeply engrained in Asian culture but no more so than in the Chinese military. Being forced to fight an opponent that resorts to slapping and hair pulling is an insult to their masculinity. It is therefore no surprise that the Chinese are exploring ways to try to blow-up homosexuals before any battle occurs".

PLA land warfare systems Commissioner Scott Lee, explained the testing and development of the new "Gay Land Mine" to Retired Lt. Colonel Mindy Stokes, formerly the highest ranking out-lesbian in the U.S. military and columnist for the New York Times. "War is for MEN! Not for women who wish they were men, or for men who wish they were women. It is our hope that in future conflicts that we can blow-up all possible homosexuals before we engage in battle with the remaining worthy opponents".

Lee explained how the system works. "This mine, unlike previous mines, does not explode from the pressure of a soldier stepping on it, instead it has a built-in "Gay-Scent Sensor" and if it detects your gayness, it detonates. We have dropped the misidentification rate down to only one percent, so we think that those who were known not to be gay and were blown-up anyway were possibly thinking of becoming gay, thus secreting the "gay-scent" and setting off the explosive.

Stokes pressed Lee on field-testing and Lee was more than happy to explain how the "Gay Land Mine" was perfected. Said Lee, "The 'People's Fag Lesbian Army Group', or PFLAG, is a group of test subjects that were pulled from the ranks of the PLA after their gayness became known. PFLAG soldiers were mixed with condemned criminals and they were forced to walk slowly across "Gay Mine Fields" half a kilometer deep. We actually bet money on who would blow-up. A lot of money changed hands!" said Lee with a chuckle. "In the end it appears that we have perfected the device".

But now there are a number of groups who are condemning the Chinese not because the mine is inhumane, like the dumb dumb bullets of WW1, but rather because the mine discriminates against gay soldiers. Nichole Rihanek spokeswoman for the Pentagon's Office of Sexual Orientation released a short statement. "War should be an equal opportunity affair. All soldiers, straight and gay should have the right to get blown up together. The Chinese are not waging war fairly with their new anti-gay mine".

Morris Dees of the Southern Poverty Law Center has now tried to use his influence against the ICBL, the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, a group that has been working for the last twenty years to demine the estimated ten million land mines buried worldwide. Said Dees, "All other mines should be secondary now, because these Chinese mines hate."

There are others in the American Military however that think differently. One Iraqi veteran who spoke on condition of anonymity said, "I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that all of the straight guys in my my former company at Camp Pendleton would LOVE to see these things buried ANYWHERE we go into combat. Now if they would just create an "Anti-Nigger Mine" things would be headed completely in the right direction.

It is believed that 100,000 AGM's have now been placed on China's Southern border to keep the Thai "Ladyboys" out.


http://www.milweb.news/anti_gay_mine.html

LONG AWAITED JEW FILM STIRS CONTROVERSY

Scott Lee Productions of Astoria, Oregon is putting the final touches on a film that is guaranteed to bring controversy. Film director Lee had an idea after reading all 11 the "Left Behind" series books in which Christians who are not saved wake up to find they have missed the "Rapture". "What if", he says, "people woke-up to find not that the Christians had gone, but all the Jews had disappeared? I thought about that for eight years after seeing the Kirk Cameron movie in 2001".

When asked for comment Cameron said of Lee, "He just hates Jews. He should come to Jesus". Lee dismisses the criticism though. "All I've ever wanted to do is make a movie that would provoke people to think, and I put this together on a 200,000 dollar budget. Imagine: No Jew bankers; No Jew media; No Jew Politics; and No Jew wars. The world would be completely different. It would be a UTOPIA!"

Jews for their part, especially Jews in Hollywood, have condemned Lee as being antisemitic. "What else are they going to say? DUH." says Lee sarcastically, "But I think they're just jealous I thought of it first to show what complete bastards they all are, instead of them portraying themselves in a way that makes them look like the glue that holds the entire world together. It's ridiculous! All Jews could die tomorrow and the world would be a better place for it".

Lee is finding some unlikely friends in his zeal to finish the film by the date of the ancient Jewish holiday of "Das Schmieren von Göttern analer Saft" three months from now. Jimmy Delroy Smith, leader of the United Aryan Workers People's Front wants Lee to know Lee has the backing of his group. "Lee has a great idea and we have his back in case the JDL or those liberal wackjobs in Astoria want to cause problems for him."

Originally titled, "Imagine", Lee received a cease-and-desist order from Yoko Ono who apparently owns the rights to the word. Instead it will now be titled , "Happy Sunrise".

Delphine Whitney, 77, of Muffinville, Kansas is in trouble tonight after a local news crew captured her saying "Up yours nigger", to the town's new and first black Sheriff Marshall Applewhite who was out on the street introducing himself. This has lead to condemnation of the entire town after no one raised any objection since everyone in Muffinville is white. This racist news is spreading fast and as of this writing Muffinville is now on the growing list of places that California will no longer do business with anymore, including the entire state of Arizona. Said one Muffinville resident, "I don't see what all the Hoo-Haa is about, Applewhite knows he's a nigger".


Ms. Whitney's comment captured here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjU03P_6nbQ&featur...


Scott Lee of Astoria, Oregon's Lower Columbia Diversity Project issued a statement: "We at the Lower Columbia Diversity Project condemn this little old lady for the inappropriate language she used and wish to state that she and other racist little old ladies like her will now be unwelcome in Astoria, Oregon. A sign at our town's border will now state, "Little old ladies watch your mouth".

Some of you may have heard of this, some of you may not, (This incident happened in 2007) but....

Here's a great story. Two blacks break into a house in broad daylight. The blacks are seen by Joe Horn, the neighbor, who also has a shotgun. Joe calls 911. After EIGHT MINUTES on the phone, the blacks come-out with armloads of loot. Joe argues the law back and forth with the dispatcher and finally says, "Fuck this!" and goes out and smokes some darkies. Grand Jury decides it is a lawful shoot and refuses to indict.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMnPBr4q53s

Fast forward a bit and the Black Panthers show up in his neighborhood where all the white neighbors are celebrating. Bikers rev their engines, people wave flags and the Panthers make a quick retreat. Panthers go in all cocky but when they are surrounded their faces look like "We's about to be lynched!" Cameras were everywhere however so that wasn't an option. Hahaha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEZ9s0ZBAu8

JOE HORN! AMERICAN HERO!


Clatsop County Commissioner Scott Lee who runs his own "Diversity Project" has stated for the record, "I want to reassure all of my crazy-assed liberal constituents that I have never used the word 'Darkie'".